i came directly from the convenience store after hearing a song which blew my mind. it took me right back to the skies of eastern turkey where, at least in a physical sense, i felt closest to god. those days i was so attached the beauty of planet earth. it’s something i’ve come to accept, that as an inwardly-focused being i am at ease with being completely isolated rather than being of those with social necessities. those days i traveled huge distances across lands of wildly varying scenery. and you know, it didn’t even bother me that i did it alone. i met so many people at that time anyway, just by random.

but these days, 30 is creeping up on me, i have to start thinking career wise and the days of incessant wanderings is definitely coming to a close. i began to crave the social interaction that i lacked for so many years through my very own nature. i need to erase my constant solitude through the companionship of a member of the opposite sex. i am getting old, seeking stability, but these days all i want is to be able to enjoy the remains of my noncommittal lifestyle.

and yes, i am attempting to readjust my lifestyle. more than ever, trying to make friends rather than hanging around waiting for people to befriend me. trying to meet girls, going on dates, sending text messages incessantly. one month of this and, sometimes i see the payoff, and sometimes i feel that korea just isn’t where i should be. sometimes i wonder if i should relax a bit, or if there is something i’m not aware of. i don’t know. but the idea of just -leaving- tends to occur to me more and more these days, the same way it did back in yong-in. what to do what to do..

Advertisements